Love, Aisha

“Dear NICU Mama, Sometimes in order to heal, we must welcome our feelings. Even the ones we don’t want to admit feeling.

The fear of not knowing what would happen to you, to your baby, your future… The sadness when it sinks in that things are not how they were supposed to be… The numbness when all you can do is survive each passing day… The anger of how unfair it all is.

These feelings can be as overwhelming as they come, oftentimes unannounced, and repressing them can make them overpowering.

But dear NICU mama, these feelings do not define you as a person, and especially as a mother. They are not who you are. They are also not the enemy; they are the part of you that reflects your most beautiful quality — your humanity. And as you process these feelings and learn to view them with compassion, not only will you begin to see the healing happening within, but you will see how it may be used for another mamas’ healing journey, too.

Because dear NICU mama, we may not have a step-by-step of how to navigate all the feelings that accompany our NICU journeys, but we do have each other, and we will always remind one another that our feelings are valid. We may not have it all figured out, but we are not alone.

Healing is lifelong, and so is this sisterhood.”

Love,
Aisha

More of Aisha + Enzo + Ava’s NICU Journeys:

 “My story begins with my son Enzo. In May 2018, we found out we were pregnant with our first. It was an exciting time. We were having a little boy. The pregnancy was extremely easy, and I had no complications. Everything was going great. I experienced contractions during my 24th week, but I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time. On the third day of on-and-off contractions, I went to get checked out and found out I was in labor. I was admitted to the labor and delivery unit where my water broke. Fortunately they were able to slow down labor, and we waited and hoped our son would stay put for as long as possible to get him to continue to develop a little more. That wait lasted five days, and then we were rushed into an emergency C-section. He was born at 5:20pm on October 13th, four months ahead of time. He was perfect, weighing just short of 2 lbs. It was a joyous moment. At around 1am on the 14th, they came to get us and bring us to our boy who was not doing so well after the so-called honeymoon phase. We held him as he took his last breath here on earth. We don’t know what caused my preterm labor, but we were told to wait a year before trying again. 

A year later on the dot, I was pregnant with our daughter Eva. We were monitored closely and everything was going great. It was another smooth pregnancy. We passed the 24 week mark with no worries or concerns. At 26 weeks, though, something was not right, and I was feeling a really sharp pain in my abdomen. We were rushed to the hospital and after a sequence of events that I could only describe as miraculous, I was wheeled into the OR once again for my second emergency C-section. On March 7th, 2020 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Eva who weighed 2lbs 4 oz. Later we were told that Eva was born preterm due to a ruptured uterus. She was found floating in my abdomen. Our journey as NICU parents began two weeks before lock down as a result of COVID-19. Those first two weeks we were with Eva all day every day. Our parents got to see her as well. Then visiting policies changed, and we were given time slots where we could visit Eva one at a time. We would go in the later afternoon and take turns waiting in the car to be with our princess warrior. We learned all the ins and outs, and the doctors, nurses, and staff became family. Eva was in the NICU for 82 days and came home on May 29th. Our time in the NICU made us warriors but also softened our hearts. Our faith grew and kept us from losing hope. Today our daughter is thriving, and her resilience and strength has not changed one bit since her NICU days! We are so grateful for our little family.”