Love, Bose
“Dear NICU Mama, I see how much courage it took to gather when your doctor said, ‘Its time, the baby is coming.’ In your heart you tried your very best to keep that baby in your womb as long as possible, but they were on their way and your life would change forever.
I see how much courage it took to gather and stay strong and positive even when you knew something wasn’t quite right and deep down inside you were very scared, confused, and afraid of all the uncertainties coming your way.
I see how much courage it took to gather and keep it together for not only yourself, but also your partner and family.
I see how much courage it took to gather and pray every day for a beautiful, tiny, fragile baby you were too afraid to look at.
I see how much courage it took to gather and be hopeful, all the while you were on a never ending roller coaster of emotions.
I see how much courage it took to gather and control your anxiety while various doctors came in to tell you all the things that were wrong with your baby.
I see how much courage it took to gather and not be angry while you watched your baby go through countless rounds of pokes and prods and surgeries, knowing there was nothing you could do to help ease your baby’s pain.
I see how much courage it took to gather and be there at the NICU every single night for that beautiful baby even when you had a family at home to take care of.
I see how much courage it took to gather when you held that tiny baby in your arms and close to your heart every day, all while being afraid a wire or tube could come loose.
I see how much courage it took to gather and keep your family together through all the sleepless nights while putting your own needs on the back burner.
I see how much courage it took to gather and remain optimistic even after you received devastating news.
I see how much courage it took to gather when you had to walk out of those NICU doors for the last time without your baby in your hands.
I see how much courage it took to gather to be strong through it all, NICU mama.”
Love,
Bose
More of Bose + Kekeli’s NICU Journey:
“Kekeli was due March 6, 2020 but was born November 11, 2019 at 23 weeks and 3 days due to PROM. Halloween 2019, I was told by my perinatologist and obgyn that I needed to go to the hospital right away because they noticed that my cervix had dilated about 2 cm. I went to my local hospital and was told by the neonatologist that makes rounds there that I needed to be transferred to the major hospital in our town immediately because they had a level 3 NICU and I could be having this baby any time, I was transferred there that day.
As soon as I arrived to the hospital, I had doctors all around me telling me that I needed to prepare for an emergency c-section. They injected me with magnesium sulfate and steroids in order to speed up the development of the baby’s lungs in case the c-section was to happen that day. I tried my very best to keep my baby in me for the 24 weeks, the amount of time doctors say would give the baby a higher chance of surviving but Kekeli was ready to see the world. I had to have an emergency c-section on November, 11th a little after 12am because Kekeli was ready and breached and I wanted to make sure I gave this little boy every chance in the world to survive even though we kept hearing that a baby born under 24 weeks would have less than a 50% chance of living. WE HAD TO TAKE THAT CHANCE!
Kekeli was born at 1:19am at 1 pound 5.5 ounces. He was the most beautiful, fragile and tiny baby boy. I was always nervous to hold him and look at him because I just couldn’t believe my baby was here so early and the fear of hearing the worst weighed on me every day there in the NICU. Kekeli lived in the NICU for 84 days. He was intubated the entire time, had intestinal issues and multiple blood transfusions for various procedures and surgeries. What took his beautiful short life was the intestinal issues. Kekeli never had a proper stool and when we finally discovered what the issue was and corrected it through another surgery, it was just too much for his little body and the complications began immediately. My babiest baby boy went into cardiac arrest twice that night and was finally ready to be out of pain and just rest.
Kekeli gained his little angel wings on February 2, 2020 at 3:32am. We held him and cried for hours as our NICU staff surrounded us with tears, prayers and love. This amazing NICU team had become our family, our friends, we saw them every single day for 84 days and now we would be walking out of those NICU doors for the last time without our precious Kekeli in our arms and saying goodbye to some of the most wonderful and caring people we would ever have the pleasure of meeting and knowing.
Even after 2 years, our grief remains the same but we make sure to honor him on his birthdays and memorials. We also continue to keep in contact with quite a few of our NICU team. They were our biggest fans, supporters and loved our baby Kekeli like he was their own. We are forever grateful to them and blessed to still have them in our lives.”
