Love, Ellen

““Dear NICU Mama, As you heal and learn to hope again, please remember your trauma is real and you have a home here, where it is validated. 

There may be times when family and friends say, "Your baby is home and healthy now. Isn't it time to move on?"

But they weren't there. 

As the days go by, and you see your baby open their eyes for the first time, please remember why you brought their life into the world. As the months go by, and you are home, please remember to enjoy what it means to have a family of your own. And when trauma sneaks up on you, and you feel unable to move or breathe, please remember your trauma is real. 

It's okay to not be okay. 

It's okay to find a wonderful therapist to help you through the nightmares that keep you up night after night, so you can be present when the day comes to hope and dream again. Please remember, you have a home with all the NICU mamas from this moment and forever.”

Love,
Ellen

More of Ellen + Charlotte’s NICU journey:

“My daughter, Charlotte, was born at 35 weeks via emergency c-section, due to complications with placenta previa. It was my first viable pregnancy after two miscarriages. I had never heard of placenta previa but now I know way too much about it. The bleeding from the previa landed me in inpatient care for 16 days prior to her birth. After her birth, she was initially cleared from the NICU nurses, but she started to have a rapid breath rate within 45 minutes of being back in our room. The original diagnosis was to have her on a CPAP for a few days, but she went into respiratory failure about 24 hours after birth. She was transferred from Fairview Ridges to the children's hospital at the U. She was given nitric oxide as a treatment and she started slowly breathing better. After 4 days, she was able to breathe on her own.

I had never been inside a Level IV NICU and was not prepared for the heartbreak that it is. I don't know if those memories will ever leave me. We were eventually transferred back to Ridges where we started feed therapy. How does no one tell moms that feed therapy is what keeps you in the NICU the longest?! After 15 long days in the NICU, we were discharged. I started with a therapist 3 months postpartum to help battle my PTSD. It has been a game changer in my life and I try to spread that word to other NICU mothers because so many times the trauma we experienced is dismissed because our children are healthy now. 

Charlotte is now a healthy 13 month old.”