Love, Emily

“Dear NICU Mama, When I look back on 2021, I see a woman who is full of joy, sadness, love, fear, tenderness, anger, and hope. Because I see all these things together, I see a woman who is powerful. To love so unconditionally in the face of uncertainty and fear is powerful.

I see a woman who grieves the loss of those first skin-to-skin moments. I see a woman who gets up through the night to pump while staring at pictures of her baby on a phone screen. I see a woman who spends hours in the car driving to and from the hospital. I see her doing everything she can to help her older child understand this unfamiliar new world. I see her tirelessly going to and from her baby’s bedside even as her own body struggles to recover from giving birth.

I see a woman who waves goodbye to her partner at the hospital doors because the pandemic forces her to sit by her baby’s bedside alone. I see a woman who misses meals because she’s been waiting hours to hold her baby, and feeling the peace from those snuggles overcomes her hunger. I see her sing softly to her baby as she wheels her through the maze of the hospital to yet another x-ray. I see her “sleep” in a chair masquerading as a bed so she can be close by and be the one to take care of her baby’s needs.

I see a woman who listens carefully to every diagnosis and prognosis, and is her baby’s champion during medical rounds. I see a woman who waits both patiently and impatiently for the day she takes her baby home. I see a woman who got to take her baby home, and still hovers over the crib. I see a woman clawing her way up mountains of hope and sitting in valleys of doubt all in the same day. I see a woman who shows up for her baby day in and day out for as many days as it takes.

I see a woman who is being transformed into a new being - a NICU mom. She is powerful. I see me. I see you.”

Love,
Emily

More of Emily + Eowyn’s NICU Journey:

“Eowyn was born May 29, 2021 at 35 weeks and spent 25 days in the hospital.  I went to the hospital after I stopped feeling fetal movements and then had an emergency c-section.  She was taken away immediately to be intubated, then started vomiting green bile. She was transported to Sick Kids in Toronto where it was determined she urgently needed surgery to correct intestinal atresia and volvulus.

We spent the first week driving a lot back and forth to Toronto, dropping off our older daughter with my parents early in the morning and picking her up late in the evening. Thankfully, the next week we all were able to start living at Ronald McDonald House Toronto, a charity for which I will forever be immeasurably grateful. 

We had to wait four days to hold her for the first time and then we waited for two weeks for Eowyn’s first poop! This told us her digestive system was recovered enough to be ready for breastmilk. Eowyn was then moved out of the NICU to a ward where she worked hard for another week building up her stamina to be able to finish a bottle so she could have her G-tube removed. After 24 hours of finishing her bottles without needing her G-tube we got to hear her doctor say, “Do you want to go home today?” and home we went! Eowyn is now six months old, is so full of joy and always has a smile for everyone.”