Love, Jaclyn

“Dear NICU Mama, When joy finds you, I hope you bask in it. In a season of uncertainty, fear and trauma, I hope you can relish those precious moments of joy:

A kind nurse,

Your first bowel movement after a C-section (definitely worth celebrating!),

An encouraging text from a dear friend,

Cuddling in the hospital bed with your partner,

A glass of Merlot after months of no alcohol,

A reassuring hand on your shoulder during delivery,

Your first shower post birth and the way the hot water washes away the sweat, blood and tears—leaving scars, stretchmarks and trauma behind.

When joy finds you, I hope you know that both joy and fear can co-exist. It's not a “but,” it's an “and.” Your story may have both joy AND fear. Celebration AND trauma. Happy tears AND sad tears. Moments of elation AND moments of despair. Times of encouragement AND times of discouragement. A season of both honouring AND grieving your story.

I hope you can find and grasp those moments of joy in your family’s NICU journey:

Your babe learning to breathe on their own for the first time,

Your first time holding them,

Your first time hearing them cry,

The first oral feed, and

Seeing their face tube-free for the first time.

Dear NICU Mama, this may be one of the hardest seasons of your life, AND I hope you can find small pockets of joy to sustain you on yet another day in the NICU. Know that your story is uniquely yours. From one NICU mama to another, give yourself permission to feel the joy, sadness and all the emotions that are woven throughout this journey of yours.

Love,
Jaclyn

More of Jaclyn + Jakob’s NICU Journey:

 “While pregnant with my first son, I was diagnosed with a pelvic DVT (blood clot) and put on daily injections of blood thinners for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was induced in October 2018 at 37 weeks. The induction led to an emergency C-section, and my son Jakob was born not breathing due to the cord being wrapped around his neck. He was a “Code Pink” baby and was rushed away to the NICU prior to me hearing him breathe or cry. He was in the NICU for nine days, which included being on CPAP for breathing and an NG tube for feeding. We had a very long journey to establish breastfeeding once he was discharged from the NICU. 

Jakob's brother was born by planned C-section 22 months later in August 2020 at 37 weeks and 5 days. I was on blood thinners again for my second pregnancy as a precaution. We were hoping to avoid another unplanned NICU stay; however, that was not the case. Jasper had fluid in his lungs and was also on CPAP. He had jaundice and an NG tube as well as a tongue and lip tie that caused much difficulty for oral feeds. He was in the NICU for 15 days and was discharged the day before his due date. I had great difficulty establishing breastfeeding once out of the NICU again and worked with an IBCLC. Jasper had his tongue and lip tie lasered at six weeks and—after a challenging recovery—we were able to successfully breastfeed. 

I still have much grieving and healing to do along my journey; however, I feel very blessed to have two beautiful healthy boys who call me ‘mama’.”