Love, Jontel
“Dear NICU Mama, When you question what it means to be whole again, I hope you know you’ve got as long as you need. It’s okay to desire wholeness in the midst of brokenness. Both can be true. I want you to know that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for; the fact that you allow yourself to feel it all proves just how incredible you are.
I know your heart feels shattered some days, and your hope feels extinguished. But little by little, the cracks will mend. And as the light begins to shine through… oh, what a beautiful mosaic of motherhood it will be. Heal deep, NICU Mama, and please don’t forget to love yourself a little deeper. You deserve happiness again. You deserve peace again. You deserve wholeness, healing, and joy again. Even if it takes a while to get there.”
Love,
Jontel
More of Jontel + Logan’s NICU Journey:
“After a surgical complication at 23 weeks along, I began bleeding and going into preterm labor. We tried everything we could to slow the process, from magnesium drips to epidurals lasting for 6 days. At 24 weeks, we were unable to delay the emergency c-section, however. I couldn’t believe what was happening, especially since it had taken us 5 years and 2 rounds of IVF to conceive.
Logan was born on March 8th at 12:39am weighing in at 1 lb. and 6 oz.
After Logan successfully received his breathing tube, he was immediately taken to the NICU. Because of my medical complications, it was an agonizing 12 hours before I was able to be wheeled down to officially meet my son.
Upon arriving, we were immediately informed that Logan’s health had rapidly declined, and the past 12 hours had been a fight to keep him breathing. We were shown a scan revealing that he was suffering a massive brain bleed. He was there physically, but at this point, there was no returning to us. His little body simply couldn’t fight any longer. As we unplugged our little miracle to say our final goodbye, his little breaths shallowed slowly until they gave out. And just like that, our 5 years of waiting, praying, and hoping… had ended. Our little Logan passed away in the NICU after only 14 short hours, but the gift of motherhood he left me with is something I will cherish forever.”
