Love, Kayla

“Dear NICU Mama, You can be so grateful that your baby is here with you and still grieve all you lost during delivery. When you hold your baby for the first time —hours, days or even weeks after they were born— it’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to cry and not know if they are happy tears because you’re holding your little bundle or sad tears because it took so long for this day to come.

You had a vision of what delivering your baby would look like: that magical moment your baby would be set on your chest and you’d feel that instant connection everyone talks about. But you didn’t get that. Instead, your baby was rushed to the NICU before you even had a chance to look at them. It’s okay to grieve and cry over that lost moment. 

You can be grateful for the bond you have with your baby now when you look at them sleeping peacefully in your arms and feel an ache in your heart that it took weeks for that bond to form. You aren’t broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. That magical moment doesn’t always happen during delivery, and that’s okay. One day, when you least expect it, that magical moment will happen.

You can be grateful to be able to pump to feed your baby and still grieve that you didn’t get to start your breastfeeding journey the way you wanted. And if you are unable or choose not to breastfeed, you can be grateful for formula and still grieve the special bonding that comes with breastfeeding. 

Mama, it’s okay to be grateful and grieve all at the same time. You have so much to be thankful for, but you’ve also lost so much. Allow yourself to feel anything and everything you need, and know that every single one of those feelings is valid.”

Love,
Kayla

More of Kayla + Delilah’s NICU journey:

“Delilah was born on March 13th at 32 weeks and 6 days. My water broke at 6:15am that morning. When we arrived at the hospital, the doctors tried to stop labor, but Delilah had already decided Friday the 13th was a great day to come into the world. I had a very fast labor, and Delilah was born at 12:48pm that afternoon. She weighed 4lbs 3oz. Delilah was immediately taken to the NICU and spent the next 38 days learning to breathe on her own, gaining weight and learning how to eat. Delilah is now a healthy, happy, and thriving 7.5 month old!”