Love, Madison

“Dear NICU Mama, When joy finds you, I hope you embrace it. I hope you allow yourself the peace, the calm, and the stillness. 

Whether you’re still in the NICU or navigating life afterwards, find the joy and hold onto it. So many moments will seem too large to handle, too impossible to bare. But you’ve got this. 

Hold onto the joy that is your NICU baby, the joy that is your strength, and the joy that comes with the big, small, happy, and sad moments. And know that in all the joy you can find in a moment, person, song, or milestone, you are the joy in your baby’s life.”

Love,
Madison

More of Madison + Sawyer’s NICU Journey:

 “My name is Madison and my wife and I used IUI to get pregnant; right before the pandemic started. My due date was June 16th, but our sweet girl, Sawyer Grace, made her debut six weeks early on May 6th.

I found out I was hypertensive at about 30 weeks gestation, and I was in and out of the Labor & Delivery triage a few times a week to monitor my blood pressure. After realizing the medication regimen wasn’t working, I was admitted to the hospital. Doctors were pretty hush-hush  about what was going on (likely to keep my blood pressure down). After a few days of semi-stable blood pressure, I was sent home—only to be readmitted three days later. I would stay until our baby girl’s arrival. My pre-eclampsia seemed “at bay” for a while until the morning of May 6th when my liver enzymes and red blood cells got to dangerous levels, and I was in a lot of pain/discomfort. Where I live in Ontario Canada there is only one OB-GYN for the entire hospital on at a time; so even though my levels were hitting dangerous territory, I had to wait a few hours for the “more critical” patients to be seen first. 

At 10:57pm we had our girl via emergency C-section. Sawyer was breech and lodged deep in my pelvis, so the doctor struggled a bit getting her out. My wife said it was crazy to see, as the doctor had one knee on the table to give her more leverage to yank her out. Between the spinal tap and magnesium drip, I don’t recall a lot of the experience—just the uneasy feeling of not seeing my daughter until 24 hours after delivery. I always assumed that they were going to hover her over the curtain, place her on my chest, and have my wife cut the cord like they do in TV shows. However, none of this happened. Instead it was rushing her off to get her breathing, dreadfully long silence, and a buildup of anxiety. 

Sawyer spent a month in the NICU between two different hospitals before she was able to come home. Sawyer was off CPAP after 24 hours but had some gastrointestinal issues due to underdevelopment; in her case, slow and steady was going to be the key. Born at 4lbs 3oz, she is now two months old and weighs 8lbs 3oz. We are so thankful to have our girl home.”