Love, Rachel

“Dear NICU Mama,

When you question what it means to be courageous, I hope you know you are the definition. You had courage when you had to let go. To let go of your tiny new baby. To let go of what you could not control. To let go of what you envisioned your first hours, days, weeks, or months with your baby would look like.

You had courage when you went home with empty arms for the first time, an empty car seat, and a missing piece of your heart. When you unpacked your things and saw that going-home outfit, longing for the day they would get to wear it. You had courage when you took time for yourself. When you allowed yourself to get the rest your body needed. When you got up and pumped through tears, wishing fervently that it was your baby interrupting your sleep instead. You had courage when you allowed yourself to feel happiness during the hardest of times. To laugh with family and friends or enjoy a nice meal.

Being a NICU Mama takes courage. But you can do this. You are the definition of bravery. And the courage you find in the NICU will give you the courage to face anything.”

Love,
Rachel

More of Rachel + Jace’s NICU Journey:

“Our heart warrior, Jace, was born on August 4th, 2021 at 37 weeks and 5 days via an amazing and successful VBAC induction. I got to spend the first hour with him, and then he was taken to the NICU for monitoring until they could get an echo done to confirm his heart was okay. We had known early on in pregnancy that there may be something abnormal about his heart that would need monitoring, but we weren’t expecting it to need surgery or any kind of NICU stay. What we thought would be only a few hours away from us in the NICU turned into 28 days including an air transfer to another hospital for life-saving heart surgery. 

After 4 days in the NICU at the hospital I birthed at, doctors concluded that his heart defect was too complex for them to operate on there. He was airlifted to the CVICU at Phoenix Children’s Hospital an hour and half away from home. We quickly packed up for what we knew could be a month or so away from home and moved into an AirBnb close to the hospital with my parents and 2-year-old daughter. We had no idea what was to come. Nothing will ever compare to the absolute numbness we felt that day. 

That day was, however, luckily the lowest drop in our rollercoaster ride journey, but there were still many ups and downs from there. Every day we arrived at Jace’s bedside it seemed like there was something new to worry about. Over the next week they worked to figure out what was going on with his heart and what surgery he would need. Once they finally let us know he would be having just one surgery to repair a coarctation of the aorta (a less serious surgery than others they were considering), he developed a bacterial infection which caused us to have to push back his surgery another week. He finally had his open heart surgery at 2 weeks and 2 days old, and from there, the rollercoaster was finally on its way up. 

Luckily the surgery to repair his aortic arch was extremely successful. His heart began to function as normal, and he recovered quicker than expected. We went home 2 weeks post-surgery with a NG tube. Over the next few weeks, Jace transitioned from the tube to bottles to exclusive breastfeeding, and we are so lucky to say he has been thriving ever since. He is now a healthy thriving 6-month-old.  

Looking back, our time in the hospital sometimes seems like a strange dream. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it was real, but I know that the experiences I had there helped me grow as a person and as a mother.  If I had the courage to get through that, I know I now have the courage to get through most anything.”