Love, Allison

“Dear NICU mama, You are enough, even when you feel completely useless. You are your baby’s home, and they will always know that.

Your baby might be getting most of their direct care from nurses and doctors; you might not be able to hold your little one; and you might not even understand as much about them as their team does right now. But you are always the place that they would rather be, and that is enough to hold them through this time apart.

You don't have to know what to do every time you walk into their room. You are enough even when you just sit by their isolette, browsing on your phone while you let them rest and grow. 

You are enough when you choose to stay home for a day too. Your baby will never hold that against you. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of them. 

One day you will be together without needing permission to hold your baby or extra hands to help with everything. One day you’ll wake up to your baby in a bassinet next to your bed in the middle of the night rather than to a breast pump. You might wish every day for that day to come faster, but in the meantime know this: You are more than enough for your baby no matter what you do or do not do.

You are their mama and their home, always and forever - and that is enough.”

Love,
Allison

More of Allison + Amos’ NICU journey:

“My water broke when I was just 22.6 weeks pregnant with my second child, I waited and was monitored in the hospital for two weeks before my son, Amos, decided it was time to be born right at 25 weeks. I had an emergency cesarean and he was just 1 lb 13 oz at birth. The first two weeks of our stay were very scary with lots of things to worry about. He was on the high frequency ventilator, and I wasn't able to hold him for a whole week. His newborn screen tests kept coming back positive for a scary and generally fatal disease called SCID. His PDA wouldn't close, we discovered that he had bilateral bleeding in his brain, and then he was being watched and treated for NEC (though thankfully his bowel never perforated). We are a month into our journey now, and our little man has gained a whole pound. He is finally on CPAP, his gut issues have resolved, and he has been able to get my milk again. His PDA closed on it's own. His newborn screen test finally came back negative, and they are no longer concerned about it. The bleeding in his brain is showing very encouraging signs of reabsorbing. Having a micro preemie was extremely overwhelming and terrifying at first, but I am slowly gaining confidence. I feel more useful as his mother, as I'm able to hold and help with him more. I am more at home not just physically in the NICU but with his nurses and doctors as they become more like our family, and I am finding the gifts that are to be had in this extremely traumatic and unexpected experience.”