Love, Brittany

“Dear NICU Mama, Sometimes in order to heal, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable – and vulnerability may sometimes feel like weakness, but mama, vulnerability is pure strength.

We have layered ourselves in a protective shield, aiding us in the battle for our child. We have faced every test, every IV, every doctor, every diagnosis, every moment of their distress, as true warriors. That shield served a purpose: it got us through those difficult moments and painful conversations. It helped us to be the mamas we are today. But sometimes we need to allow ourselves to peel back that ever-so-comfortable, ever-so-safe armor we so heroically developed and remember we are human.

We are humans, who didn’t have the romanticized birth that movies portray. We are humans, who had to hear the words, “She isn’t breathing…” instead of the first cries we expected when our babies entered the world. We are humans, who couldn’t hold our babies for days, sometimes weeks, or months. We are humans, who had to go against every natural instinct and leave our sweet baby at the hospital only to come home to an empty nursery. We are humans, who were terrified that our child would not live but were too scared to ask. We are humans, who experienced something that we wouldn’t wish upon our worst enemies.

Mama, when we allow ourselves to remember we are human, we are giving ourselves permission to acknowledge how hard this has all been. We allow ourselves to understand why we may check our babies a few extra times at night to make sure they are breathing. To understand why their first fever is so triggering. To be aware that some things may be harder for us. To acknowledge we may need a little extra help or support to heal.
Mama, when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are giving yourself permission to seek support whether from family, friends, therapy, and/or our sisterhood of mamas. Although it may feel scary, remember, you are braver than you feel.

And in those moments that make you feel weak, remind yourself: Warriors can be both strong AND need help to heal.”
Love,
Brittany

More of Brittany + Her Daughter’s NICU Journey:

 “My pregnancy was full-term and completely healthy. Labor was long and rough. They considered a C-section, but I was making progress. My water broke on Saturday at 1pm, and I had my sweet baby girl at 8:58pm on Sunday. Unfortunately she had shoulder dystocia and was stuck for 90 seconds. Once they were able to get her out, she wasn’t breathing, and they took her immediately. My husband and I had no idea if she would survive. When we met her at 2am, she was having repetitive seizures. We found out at the end of the week the seizures were caused from brain swelling from a neonatal stroke. Other complications occurred, a blood clot from the central lines. She was also having difficulty with feeding. She was in the NICU for 2.5 weeks and then went to a step down facility for 7.5 weeks to work on feeding, which ended in g-tube surgery in order to get her home. After 82 days, our girl came home. Now, almost 9 months later, she is seizure-free and off her medication, blood-clot free, working on straw drinking and eating, and showing no current signs of a stroke with her motor skills. She is truly amazing.”