Love, Kailee
“Dear NICU Mama, I hope you celebrate the little things.
When milestones don’t hit the way you expect, I hope you celebrate the ones that do. Celebrate every ounce gained, every smile, every little day to day thing, because you know how hard you and your baby worked for these milestones.
There was a time when you sat by that isolette, with your tiny, fragile baby inside, wondering what the future would hold. Will I hear the pitter-patter of little feet across the kitchen floor? Will there be a time when I can hold my own baby without permission? Will there be afternoons spent at the beach? Will there be family movie nights on the living room floor? Will there be stargazing outside on the soft grass?
So, sitting back and celebrating the smallest thing (like that afternoon on the beach, building sandcastles), things that most people take for granted, can sometimes be the most important. Smile to yourself and celebrate.
And mama, I hope you celebrate the little things in YOUR healing journey, too. Maybe you got out of bed on a hard day, maybe you scheduled a much needed therapy appointment, maybe you journaled, or maybe you took some well-deserved time and drank your coffee while it was still hot. You are putting in the work to heal and you deserve celebrating, too.
I hope you never stop celebrating the little things.”
Love,
Kailee
More of Esme + Vivienne ‘s NICU Journeys:
After struggling with infertility for over a year, we were finally pregnant with our first. At my 20 week ultrasound, we were told I had Complete Placenta Previa. We were given almost no information, other than "you will probably have a C-Section". At 27 weeks, I woke up thinking I needed to use the restroom, but I was hemorrhaging and passing golf ball sized clots. It was one of the scariest days of my life. I received steroids for lungs and started a magnesium drip, but I kept coming close to passing out, so they stopped the mag. I spent the next month on bedrest and home and in Antepartum. After hemorrhaging three more times, a random L&D doctor told me it was time to prep for a C-Section, a moment where time stood still and a memory I will remember for the rest of my life. Esmé Elise was born at 31+5 weighing 4lbs 1oz on 01/12/2019. I was robbed of the moment of getting to meet her when she was born because of a hospital oversight and was determined to meet her on her birthday even though I required two blood transfusions post birth. She spent 30 long days in the NICU as a grower and feeder. Esmé came home one month before her due date and never looked back! We had some health scares the next few years, but she is now a happy and healthy four year old.
When deciding if we wanted to expand our family after such a traumatic birth, I met with the MFM office that helped deliver Esmé. I was assured by numerous doctors that there was no way I would have Placenta Previa again and that my next birth would be a full term, "normal" delivery. We decided to have another baby and were thrilled when we got pregnant without the fertility medication we needed the first time. I had my 20 week ultrasound at the MFM just in case and something in my gut just knew. I was diagnosed with Complete Placenta Previa again and was now being monitored for Placenta Accreta because of a Placental Lake I had. We were absolutely devastated because we knew this possibly meant more NICU time and more trauma. It was a terrible pregnancy filled with so much anxiety. We tried to take it as easy as possible (which was difficult with a two year old at home!) but at 29 weeks, on Halloween, I hemorrhaged. My OB wanted to deliver that night, but I advocated for myself and my baby and refused delivery. She agreed to check back in the next morning as long as I spent the night on Magnesium. It was terrible. I am so thankful I advocated because I found out two days later that I had Placenta Percreta, so if we had delivered on Halloween, I would have bled out and died. I stayed on bedrest for a month and we planned to deliver on 12/06/2021 at 34 weeks. Well, little girl had other ideas and I woke up four days before my C-Section hemorrhaging and in labor. Vivienne Eliza was born at 33+5 and weighing 5lb 6oz on 12/02/2021. I got to meet her the moment she was born and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. My placenta had completely grown through my uterus, so I needed an emergency hysterectomy during my C-Section. Vivienne and I both almost lost our lives and it is truly a miracle we are both here today. When I held her for the first time in the NICU the next day, I was flooded with so much relief and emotion and just kept telling her that we both made it to the other side. Vivienne spent 13 days in the NICU and came home ten days before Christmas. Esmé and Vivienne finally got to meet at home and it was beautiful. We had a readmission with Vivienne two weeks later due to Parainfluenza, but other than that, she is also healthy and happy.
Both of my girls are NICU warriors and their strength impresses me everyday. They both have a zest and appreciation for life that only a NICU baby can have. They are wild but loving, active but love cuddles. And they are both so caring, empathetic, and funny! I never expected to be a 2x NICU Mama, but with time and lots of therapy, I am in my gratitude era and I am so so thankful for simple, every day moments that the four of us experience together.”
