Love, Fernanda

“Dear NICU mama,

When other people see your child as a warrior, know that as your NICU sister I see your child not only as the fighter they are, but as a warrior’s child. A warrior who, still recovering from a complicated birth, rises to visit her baby at the NICU. Who, despite her tiredness, wakes up every three hours at night to pump a few drops of colostrum. Who is willing to do whatever it takes for a tiny fragile human being.

You might not feel prepared for this battle, but you’re stronger than you think. Because your strength comes from the love you have for your baby… and a mother’s love is unlimited! You are loving your child in an heroic way not every mother is compelled to. You may feel vulnerable when you cry at night, when you think you’ve reached your limit, but every single tear you pour is filled with that love and strength.

When you worry about bonding with your baby, rest assured you are not the only warrior in this same battle: your child is fighting by your side. Your first encounters may not have gone the way you expected them to, but you are building a strong and wonderful bond from all the painful and sweet moments you are sharing. 

When you grieve not holding your baby the moment after they were born, for not being able to breastfeed or touch them, for not knowing their face that is covered by the tubes, remember that you have been through this challenging experience TOGETHER. And that you are not alone: your sisters in this community have fought and are still fighting for their babies’ lives.

After the NICU days pass and the battle is over, you may look back and wonder how you were capable of everything you did. You did all this for love, the most pure and selfless love. 

And love is capable of the most great and unimaginable things.”

Love,
Fernanda

More of Fernanda + Catalina’s NICU Journey:

“My NICU story started when my second child, Catalina, was born at 34 weeks. On March 21, 2020 (yes, the same day the COVID lockdown began!), I rushed to the nearest hospital because I was  bleeding, to find out I had fully dilated without any pain. I had experienced a few mild contractions, but my physician thought they were Braxton-Hicks. Catalina was breech and the doctor in charge had to perform an emergency C-section. There was no time for the epidural to kick in, so I was put under general anesthesia and couldn’t witness my daughter’s birth. Catalina spent 10 days in the NICU, which seemed like an eternity to me. 

I was aware of the preterm labor risk for my third pregnancy, but I was still hopeful my baby could reach full term. At 24 weeks, after having a few contractions, my doctor discovered my cervix was short. I spent a day in the labor and delivery pavilion, fearing for the worst. I have never felt so relieved as when she announced I was not in labor and that there was a chance I could make it to my due date.

My body was able to hold my son until he was 32 weeks. On June 7, 2022, I was barely having contractions, but I headed to the hospital just in case. When the midwife checked me, I was already 5 centimeters dilated. They tried to stop labor, but my third child, Marcos, was born a few hours later via C-section. He spent 24 days at the NICU.

Curiously, I found this second NICU stay more bearable than the first one. I was still frightened and heartbroken, but it didn’t take me by surprise and I knew what to expect. I had understood that time in the NICU was temporary and the tough days would eventually pass.

At first, I didn’t like reliving my own story. I wanted to forget and change what had happened. Later, I realized both of my stories had transformed me: they taught me about the value of life and the power of love. Now, I’m proud of who I’ve become: a NICU mama.”