Love, Lisa
“Dear NICU Mama, When other people see your child as fragile, know that as your NICU sister I see your child as a fighter.
Strangers and family see your baby as they are now, but they don’t see the setbacks, the victories, the joy, and the heartbreak that have gotten you both to where you are today.
When strangers comment on how small your baby is, you smile and say, “I know!” But you don’t tell them they were born premature, that you celebrated every gram gained while in the NICU… that they’ve actually tripled their birth weight in just a few months. You don’t show them the tiny preemie diaper that you had to fold in half to fit your little one or the preemie onesie that was too big for them to wear.
When your aunt gives you advice on breastfeeding, you listen but wish you could tell her about the sleepless nights you spent pumping so you could build up your milk supply while your baby was in the NICU; the tears shed by both you and your baby as you tried to breastfeed in the NICU chair but they were just too small, and it was too much work; the countless meetings with lactation specialists; the daily visits to the NICU to grab storage bags and labels; the meticulous counting of every milligram pumped and fed.
When your friend is surprised to find out your baby hasn’t rolled over yet, you shrug and say you’ll encourage more tummy time, but you want to show her how far your little one has come; that you celebrate milestones not by age but just because they’ve happened at all; that their biggest milestone was coming home from the NICU. You want to tell her about adjusted age and gestational age, but instead you just nod and smile.
But as your fellow NICU mama, I understand how much is hidden behind your silent smiles and kind pauses. I know about the tears you shed, the grief and trauma you are still working through, and the immense pride you have for both you and your little NICU warrior. And for those mamas still in the trenches, someday these NICU days that feel like they’ll never end, they will melt away and be replaced with new memories of first smiles and first laughs.
Until then, I’ll see your child for the fighter they really are.”
Love,
Lisa
More of Lisa + Penelope’s NICU Journey:
“I struggled with high blood pressure my whole pregnancy, but it never progressed to preeclampsia. At 35 weeks, I was admitted to L&D after a concerning non-stress test. While at the hospital I was given an ultrasound where I learned my little girl was measuring at 30 weeks instead of 35 weeks. While still trying to process what this all meant, it was decided that she would be taken via C-section out of concern for both of us, and 3 days later, my little Penelope was born at 3 lbs. and 8 ounces. Though tiny, she was able to breath without any assistance, and due to her small size and trouble maintaining body heat, was admitted to the NICU. Just 18 days later our little girl came home, and she is now a happy 5-month-old. I sing "You Are My Sunshine" every day to her because she really is my sunshine!
The NICU was never even on my radar, and while I still feel like I'm processing her birth and the trauma around that, I have learned so much and gained a new appreciation and compassion for NICU babies and their families.”
